Why Do People Get Divorced?

It Pays to See a Relationship Counselor

Everyone knows that a lot of marriages end in divorce, but the reasons for this are less well understood. There is a very wide gap between the perceptions of the academic studies of divorce and the experiences of those who have actually been through it. This is partly a result of the academic approach to research, which tends to focus on measurable, evidence-based data, and partly because many people who have experienced divorce do not really understand why it happened.

Academic research suggests that the risk of divorce increases following a series of socioeconomic patterns. Marriage at a young age, low educational achievement, and low income all feature strongly in research papers across the USA. The research almost suggests that if you tick enough of the boxes, your marriage is doomed to fail despite the best efforts of a relationship counselor. However, if you talk to people who have been divorced they tell a different story. Trust, commitment, infidelity, equality, and lack of opportunities are routinely given as the most common reasons why people believe their relationships failed.

The reason for the apparent difference lies in perception. The socioeconomic indicators only show increased likelihoods; they are not predictions. Everyone knows that rich, well educated couples also get divorced, and that couples who have experienced infidelity and lack of commitment have managed to rebuild their marriages. Experience shows that the greatest risk of divorce comes when, whatever the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage, the symptoms are not recognized and, consequently, no action is taken to seek help to resolve the problems. A professional relationship counselor is trained to identify the underlying causes of stress in a relationship, can suggest techniques to address these issues, and hopefully help to resolve them.

Not all marriages can be saved, and sometimes it is in everyone’s best interests if a marriage is allowed to proceed to divorce, with dignity. However, you should always remember that you loved that person once, and with the right help you may be able to get your relationship back on track. You owe it to yourself to at least try.

If you live in Los Angeles, CA, and you are having difficulties in your relationship, call me at (530) 961-4361 for professional help.

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